Alcohol, matchmaking and boys in love
by Kamikaze5
Summary: Just what the title says. I really can't explain it any better then that. Just read, Please. First Naruto fic. SasuxGaara.


Disclaimer: I own nuttin', Crappit all.

My God it's been so long since written a fanfic! Feels _refreshed_ How long has it been…2…3 years? o.O _damn_.

My first Naruto fanfic, so I apologize in advance for the crappyness. Also my first SasuXGaara story YAY! Why Them? 'Cause I LOVE this pairing and theres not enough of them!

Enjoy.

Chapter one

"Doode…I yam suh wasted." Slurred a 'wasted' Naruto before chugging another bottle and throwing it behind him like an old sock. He sat on the chair, swaying back and forth, eyeing the raven haired boy in front of him, rambling on and on about something his mind couldn't comprehend at the time.

"And _then_…Allah _sudden_…Dat guy _claiming _to be muh sister…kills muh parents…and sum other people…Wait…" The Uchiha survivor put his hand on his chin, finding that for _some reason_…that something was wrong with his sentence. "Or wus it muh cousin…or uncle…sister, had tuh be…too damn pretty…"

"Doode…" Naruto slurred, again. Interrupting Sasuke's interestingly put 'life story'. "…You dwunk." Sway swayed once again, pointing an unsteady accusing finger at his former teammate. "Dwunker den thuh dolphin swimmin' 'round Neji's head." Directing his finger to point just above Neji's head. The Hyuuga looked at his boyfriend like he was crazy. Knowing that that _only _was his lover crazy, he was drunk. Him and Sasuke both actually. Unlike himself, who was in fact, sober. For Neji had an amazingly high tolerance to alcohol. Unlike his green-spandex wearing teammate, or Naruto for that matter.

Why they were in a bar in the first place was beyond the Hyuuga, All he got was Naruto saying something about "freeing his mind" (Which he's doing a very good job at the moment) and wanting to challenge Sasuke to a drinking contest. At first Sasuke refused…until Naruto called him a chicken.

Yes, the 'Deadlast', Kyuubi-holding, cute orange and blonde ball of energy called the sexy, revenge-ridden survivor of the famous Uchiha clan, a chicken. This caused the boy to twitch greatly.

Naruto noticed this, and started to flap his arms like a chicken while at the same time bawking like one. This action caused the Uchiha to burn in _infernal rage_, and accepted the blondes challenge. Thus leading to many, _many_ colorful curses, the passing of insults, an insane amount of alcohol chugging, and the decreasing of brain cells. Which lead to now, a highly sluggish looking Sasuke, and a and a more then just delusional Naruto. Both completely 'wasted', and Naruto so nicely puts it.

Though the Byakugan user found it all wasn't a complete waste of time. He found that a drunk Sasuke was undeniably amusing. Mainly due to the fact that when drunk, he became completely _open_ to those around him. About _anything_. He had discovered that the Uchiha slept with a stuffed bunny doll until the age of 15 (he was currently 19) (and that he had named it 'squeaky'), That he had a deadly fear of clowns (Caused by the fact the at the age of 7, is brother decided to wear a clown costume and barge into Sasuke's room one night while carrying a fake ax. Scared the boy shitless).

Also the fact that Sasuke was currently wearing his favorite white and yellow rubber-ducky printed boxers, how he found that out was something that the Hyuuga wished to forget…And a whole bunch of information that could serve as blackmail.

Sasuke squinted his eyes at Naruto, his brain taking a moment to decipher what the Kyuubi-holder just said, and at the same time wondering why there were 2 Narutos in his vision as he spoke. "I'm…not drunk…dobe. You're helusimatin'…"

'_Denial'_ thought Neji as he smirked.

"I'men Uchiha broad…I dun get drunk suh easily…Man-Bitch..."

Setting his elbow clumsily on the table, Naruto laid his cheek on his palm. He glared at his own teammate, watching him sway from left to right after taking a swing of beer, all while his mind gathers enough brain cells to make a response. "You…" He managed to say, trying to make out the rest of his sentence. "…Are in denial…deniiiaaalll…BEEPing D-E…m-y…k…"

"D-e-n-i-a-l." Again, Neji smirked as he corrected his boyfriends drunken yet adorable stupidity. He placed his hand on the side of Naruto's head, leaning the man on his shoulder, caressing his blonde locks. Feeling somewhat satisfied when he heard Naruto purr under his touch, ignoring the weird looks from the few sober people in the room. He turned his gaze back to the raven-haired ninja.

"Denial my BEEPin' ass…Um not drunk…y'all jus' BEEPing paranoid…" He protested, convinced that he was sober, and that everyone else was just crazy.

"If I 'er drunk…" He continued, still slightly swaying. "Would I till you I'm in lurve wit Gaara? An' dat I wanna screw his BEEPin' brains out BEEPin' like scrambled eggs? NO!

At this time Naruto and Neji's eyes are a wide as plates. And so does (almost) every sober person in the bar.

"Soo…darefore…I yam COMPETELY sober! HA!" " Not realizing what he just said, Sasuke crossed his arms and smirked like a child who just got his way. He was oblivious to the looks of surprise on the couples' faces. Starting to wonder why they were so quiet.

The silence didn't last for long, for Naruto's expression turned from a look of surprise to a wide, toothy grin within a matter of seconds. And broke the silence.

"Oi! Sasu-teme's a fag too, Ninji! Now we can sare awsum faggoty times together! Chirped the blonde in a _very_ un-Naruto like way.

Neji shook his head, ignoring the mispronunciation in his name, while hoping that whole sentence was the just the alcohol talking.

Though Neji kinda already knew that Sasuke for the sand ninja, the shock was mainly caused by the interesting way of announcing it. Because if you observed Sasuke closely, you'll notice he blushes and constantly stuttering his words around him (occasionally when the redhead is mentioned as well). He also noticed Gaara's expression softens when around the Uchiha. It's not exactly something someone such as Naruto would catch onto easily. Though for someone like Neji, it was as kind of like trying to get Naruto in bed; easy yet satisfying. -

He looked at Naruto, he was rambling something about Sasuke and Gaara being a cute couple and how they can have many creepy/bastardized sexy eyeliner wearing children. And he could have sworn he heard something about a them and a foursome…it's just the alcohol Neji, it's just the alcohol…

He turned his attention away from Naruto to Sasuke, surprised to find the Uchiha gone. The Hyuuga looked around, Sasuke was nowhere in sight.

But then it hit him.

He stood up, and looked at the ground by Sasuke's seat. Just as he thought, Neji smirked; there lay the Sharingan user, lying on the floor. The alcohol finally knocked him out. Haha, bitch.

But then his smirk widened into a grin. Why? Because he just got an idea, a sneaky, ingenious idea. An idea that proved that he's been spending too much time with Tenten lately.

He was going to play matchmaker.

End chapter one

So did'ja like it? Random? Very. I had fun -. Yeah, and I know Gaara's not in this chapter. But he'll be in the next chapter I PROMISE! Please leave a review and tell me whether I should continue or not! -

Kamikaze5


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